Don't Feel Bad About Mooching off of Your Parents

I am 24 and I live with my parents.

Never has a statement I have said ever caused such laughter in people. It was like I was a freaking comedian. People like to make fun of me because I live in my parents house.

Except here's the thing: most people wish they could do that too.

I don't pay rent or anything associated with housing, I buy groceries if I don't like the food my dad buys, and I if I so chose I could quit my job and lay in my bed all day.

Some people might be appalled at this lifestyle that I lead. Except here's the other thing: what is our obsession with ditching our family?

I'm not an angsty teenager who "hates my parents", I have a job, car, bills, and a life, and I help around the house.

Listen, when your parents decided that they NEEDED ANOTHER BABY they knew that by procreating they were not just agreeing to love and support another human being for 18 years, they were agreeing to do these deeds for life!

That is exactly what I tell my dad when he tries to throw my worldly possessions on the curb while I am at work.

















Just kidding about that last part. I don't have cabbage patch dolls.

What To Do When People Stop Talking to You

I went out to dinner with T* Monday night and she inquired about another friend. I laughed and said " I don't know the last time we even talked." I proceeded to text this former friend about something and the text that came back told me that he had switched numbers. T laughed and asked "I thought you guys were close. He didn't even tell you he got a new number?"

A few years ago I worked at a grocery store in town. One of the best jobs ever only because I worked with this really awesome guy, J. One day out of the blue he told me that I was his best friend. It struck me as odd and nice at the same time. Odd because I didn't know we were that close and nice because hey, who doesn't like being called a bestie? We haven't spoken in months.

In CATHOLIC SCHOOL I met a girl M, who was my BFF from 1st through 12th grade. She got pregnant the summer after senior year and I didn't even know.

I could go on and on about people I don't talk to anymore. It's a little sad actually, and it is making me sound like I just dump friends left and right. Which I swear I don't. If I was getting graded right now the teacher would write on my report card "Does not play well with others."

On Sunday I realized that I hadn't talked to a friend who had moved away a year ago. Instead of telling myself "Oh I should call him." I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number. We had quite a funny conversation. (What can I say, I'm fun to talk to.)

So, What to Do When People Stop Talking to You? Call them. Because unless you suddenly turn into Bruce Willis's long lost daughter, or Miley Cyrus's long lost brother, or Angelina decides to adopt you that person is probably not going to call you.

That's how people roll.

Yo.


Side note: I told my dad that when I'm famous I was going to change my last name so he couldn't use me for fame.


*I'd rather not post people's names in case I feel like writing something bad about them. Ha.

No not like the monkey from Aladdin

Until I was the delicate age of seven my parents sent me to a local Catholic school where I was pretty much the only non-Catholic in my class. I loved it there. And then they yanked me out and sent me to PUBLIC SCHOOL (shudder...).

Which would have been fine as I was the age when I was in love with school and they could have sent me to some rundown school like the ones they show on tv that makes people move to the suburbs and I would have been just as excited.

Except that in some studio somewhere some dumb writer decided to write the script for a movie called ALADDIN with a boy and his crazy monkey friend and then subsequently name that monkey Abu.

WHICH SOUNDS A WHOLE LOT LIKE MY NAME!!

I spent the next few months repeating "No, not like the monkey from Aladdin."

So to sum it up: New school. Seven years old. Dark skin (like a monkey??). And now it looks like (to stupid seven year olds) my parents named me after a Disney character.

I can only conclude that nothing good comes from watching Disney movies.